my head is spinning not in the good way no the spitting of goo and help me on my tummy

What a day! Just one thing after another. The headache that just won't go away. The headache that brings nausea the pain killers aren't working.
I was in a busy parking lot, giving enough space for the person to back out. Some bitch in a white BMW thinking it was ok to zoom in. No I don't think so, since I had been waiting there holding up traffic for two minutes before she even arrived from the other direction. I beeped my horn! She looked back to see me. I threw up my arms and kept pointing at her and the space. Good freaking grief. She did however back out and let me have the spot.
The kids are driving me up the wall. Doctors going in the wrong direction again with tests that will say normal I am sure. Man oh man I feel sick today, I am sure my blood counts will be all messed up.
Then one of my most favorite relatives won't name names again is killing me.
Killing me with the damn perfume. Might as well be called ode de tal skunk. I can't take it! Its making me more sick. I know the woman hasn't showered for months on end. I know her mind is totally gone. Damn, its the hardest thing in the world to keep my mouth shut when Im dieiin.
Every time I open my mouth to speak I can taste it in my mouth. Making me feel more and more sick to my stomach. The damn scent has been lingering for 2 hours and travels around corners. Even my child has complained about it.
OH my peanut butter give me strength to get through the rest of the day.
I need to call up my buddy strange cousin susan "micky" and share a drink even if over the phone.

knotted carved shadded grandfather tree

In the most unkempt yard of the neighborhood which I take my daily walks is a chained dog. A friendly scruffy mutt of a dog chained to a post, with 3 feet of room, watching the world go by. In the middle of the yard under a knotted tree looking 3 generations old with a big heart carved in with the letter I in it. Everyday passing I say hello to the dog, and wave. Many times I look back without really knowing why only to see that silly stupid dog wind itself around the post and lean against it as it give up. Through the summer, I see the dog is provided with a water for the hottest days. One brisk fall day walking by the dog, as I always do, something was just a little different. The dog just sat, and did not move his body only his eyes. As I approached the corner of the street I hear a metal scrapping sound from behind and its getting closer and closer. The dog, is dragging his chain and post off on a little run across the street, stopping looking at me and continuing on his journey. “I will be damned” I thought, wasn’t a stupid silly dog after all.

KABUL, Afghanistan – “An Afghan man who had faced the death penalty for converting from Islam to Christianity has been released from prison after the case was dropped, the justice minister said Tuesday.”..mentally unfit to stand trial…

The world applauded. Not for the choice in religion the man had, rather he chose a different religion then lawfully allowed. He knew the severe penalty he would have to pay for was with his life. Yet, he still had a Bible anyway, crazy one might think taking such a risk. Maybe just maybe he figured out how to come off mentally unfit to save his life to disappear into a bigger world.

applying calm submissiveness in the human world

Ahhh, calm submissiveness, the wonderful enlightenment it brings when applied in the human world.
When the mind is relaxed, it is much easier to be the duck and let the water flow off the back. Soft tones allow the mind not to get spun up tight. Going into a communication normally on the defensive and at the end of a pointed finger keeping a relaxed state of mind helps.
Being the calm submissive person has all the power. The power of clear thinking and processing of what is being said. The power to observe every little body language of the other person.
Maintaining calm statue and tones and thinking through the toughest of communications is the powerful person for that control.
When my mind and body, is very calm I find myself really watching the person. Listening and absorbing what they are saying not only with their words but expressions with each word. People may say they want eye contact, but they really don't want it to be constantly.
With a calm state can see expressions when a name or subject is mentioned giving that persons thoughts away. Its very similar to determine if a person is lying. Making a mental counting note of everytime the person facial expression changes when I mention one of childrens names.

I know, the person doesn't know, I know. A family member of mine doesn't want to hear me mention any of my childrens names. I can see it in the expressions. There is no asking questions about my children. They are just kids, who shower people with attention and loving spirit. Messed up, to miss out on getting to know them. My friend Joz, hell she isn't family and I can talk all I want to her about my kids. I don't push my kids on people its pretty messed up not to give them the chance to shine and enjoy the moment of their youth.

Ok, some distance I shall provide, the person wouldn't know. I have the calmer state of mind, not to show it on my face.

stomping on your i m a g i n a t i o n

Is the solar system out of alignment? Is it a full moon? Is it the water? Is there some flashing indicator light on my forehead that reads" this person's IQ is 90" ? I know what my IQ is, I even know that my short term memory IQ points are higher then the overall. I also know because of my astrological sign, I have good long term memory when it comes to issues of the heart and soul and memorable situations. I have no idea why peoples think I am a complete idiot and can't remember shit.
Decisions, decisions ...eny meany miny moe.. which boot to slide on, the walking boot or the shit kickers.
I am all for an imagination and an occasional day dream or vivid dream, knock your socks off. There is a line between fantasy and reality , sometimes I wanna just kick some sense into where the sun don't shine. My foot so far up their ass, a week later still can't talk out of it.

Apparently a few people are having imaginary conversations with me. Conversations I didn't have and no where present for. From different peoples I get messed UP emails ...you said this you said that I am tired of you telling me no or what to do. Statements that go against every fiber of my personal standings. I know, I have told these morons 100 different ways where I stand over the course of months . I am passionate about these things my mind will not be changed.

I had a blog, my own domain ownership...I started getting stalked by a family member and some drama came up. I took time off ...In the time I did a lot of thinking and soul searching plus character building with personal growth. Before, I would have been very aggressive and angry my words in email would speak loudly. Now, I see it all as a game a game I will not be lured into. My buttons will not be pushed. I will be strong and continue not to respond to emails as I promised. I refuse to state my position 101 time, I refuse to get into it with "I don't know what the f your talking about" . No! no matter how many times tell me I said something or thought something I can't be brainwashed or be submissive 2+2=5 .
If they want to believe their imaginary conversations thats their problem I will not be apart of it. In my fantasy and daydreaming world I am stomping all over them.

I don't own any shit kickers, nor good walking boots in my imagination I do.

yukkyville

7up plus cherry with calcium not to forget with splenda. How the hell can they sell this stuff. The taste is right up there with the crap make you drink before cat scan.
The kids seam not to be bothered by it.
Drinking red bull by itself in all its tasting like urine is better.
It should read 7up minus cherry or the 7up-nish flavor make stomach wanna empty contents ..

freaking popcorn ceilings

I hate them really I do. I see dead people, I will have to bring back posting about seeing jesus in object posts again. I have been having problems actually falling asleep these days. My body says hey its bedtime but my mind says hey I haven't played out all the things I want to play out.

I have a night-light in my room. Its not a baby thing more of a security feeling, never know if I have to get up in the middle of the night to run to the restroom. I do wake several times a night, its a reality check in sorts ok I am in my bed and go right back to sleep.

I look up at the dammed good for nothing popcorn ceiling and see images. I see the popcorn form all sorts of images I could only wish to be able to draw them as I see them. It would be cool. Yet, apart of me gets freaked out.

Last night, in trying to rest my restless mind and looking to the ceiling I realized damn! My spouse needs attention from me. I have been so emotionally and mentally messed up with my dads down turn of diagnosis that I have not given my spouse attention. I am tortured inside. How do I put aside all the emotions and thoughts and memories for my spouse? One hand he needs me. On the other it wouldn't be fair to him if I couldn't give 100% of myself to him.

I hate popcorn ceilings really do. Pain in the ass if have to dust, they fall on my head. Stupid little bumps just hold onto dust more then a flat ceiling. arg! The texturedness of it all makes me see artful images ...I hate them! From what I hear its a bigger pain in the ass to remove too..what is the point?
yeah I made up a word ...like I care..

life woooh

meaniful thought for the day
Its been challenging times and character building times. Life is a test.

How we treat others during the good times, bad and through the obstacles and what we think of ourselves looking back at those moments yesterday, years later and even during the moment.

Full of lessons of success and failures teaching us how to deal with each little and big thing that comes along.

At least I have no regrets, I have done everything I could or can do . I won’t have any; would haves, should have, if onlys….

My mirror is very kind.

I am sorry so sorry its me me me time

I have been in a daze. My father is in the hospital and its not so good. Interesting I haven't called my dad "daddy" since I was 12, it just slipped out to him at his bedside. Funny how the little girl in me comes out even though I have children of my own.
Prayer chains...I don't know anything about them ...but its the least I can do for my family and fill the simple request I guess.
The cool part is the is no resolving of issues with my dad. We only apologize to each other for letting long periods of time pass between visits.
I am around....

I hate waiting in doctors offices

I am not a patient person when it comes to waiting. I don't complain but sometimes I am in pure misery. In those times I realize there are some really messed up people out there.
My last visit to an office still haunts me, the visions and the words spoken.
Into the office I was disgusted by the backside of a woman. Her pants were up her ass so much there as to be mud marks. Her ass was as if 60 year old ex porn star double FF breasts were fighting with themselves without the implants. Gross, clearly no under panties. I thought to myself I won't judge, some people have no clue about clothing and how they really look. Her companion she kept referring to could either be her mother or grandmother don't know her face looked like she had a hard life. No, I won't judge . The woman, turned and I saw she had a flawless face kinda pretty. If she had put on make-up and done something with her hair and had clothing that actually fit she would be very attractive.
Oops not so!

In twenty minutes or so she reviewed her life story with her companion. I am not talking whispering no she was very vocal. I don't understand if you have a relative have to go over everything as if it was the first time met in many years.
The room heard about her two kids their ages their names. Her companion really didn't say a word. She just said she would sit in the corner, when it was time for the woman to see the doctor that was about it. The woman who at first I wasn't going to judge just had blown me away. She went on about her time in jail. How she just got out of the mental department in a hospital even the name. She has made a friend sort of from group therapy. Yes, she did mention the persons name. She went on how 90 percent of the world is on anti-depressants so she is just like everyone else so this person she is befriending should be ok with her prescription.
It is so typical of a person on anti-depressants to make a statement like that. I have found personally more people with mental disorders believe everyone is just like them or more of the worlds population is on similar drugs. What ever makes them feel better about themselves.

The most shocking thing this woman said that still haunts me. She was going to ask the doctor to let her have speed to help her with her weight problem. Her weight was an issue that was clear she didn't look at all comfortable in the sides of the chairing up on her sides, I didn't judge.
She did say oh its a growing epidemic with American woman and meth oh yeah they get addicted so they can be the perfect soccer and professional moms. Yet, she is only asking the doctor for speed for her weight.

I am shocked! I am appalled. She had some balls with her that day. Its a good thing there wasn't any person under 18 in the room to hear such things. Oh my peanut butter, if a young person struggling with themselves and their weight to hear "I am going to ask for speed" not good not good! This woman has 14 year old boy and 12 year old girl ...I wonder. Well, not too much since the companion is the one who cares for them a lot.

Google and the government

Lies, lies sweet little lies. The government wants Google to give up search result records...so they can evaluate how safe the kids are against porn. What a foul rotten egg smelt yards away lie.
This is not about children. This is about how many Americans use the internet for porn related things. They want to know who you are. This comes down to future elections. This has to do with the government wanting to push religion issues. They will know which counties and states to push family, religion, ethics and morals to the highest righteous manner. Porn is a sin.

I know school districts send home internet policies to parents. In the document it outlines they use filters to try to protect the minors from seeing anything that might be harmful including porn material. As well as the rules the students must abide by. The document asks for parent either agreement or disagreement for the child to use the internet and will not sue the school district if they do see something they shouldn't.

Myself, I have watched a few school district meetings on the television. I have sat through discussions when a district has to answer a slew of questions how they are doing everything in their power to follow laws and make steps not to be an under performing school. From these meetings I know they have IT staff. Of course the IT staff is responsible for every level of computing in the districts and in the classrooms. The one meeting I did watch the representative had to say what the salary was for the lead IT person.

How to save a bundle of money! Forget the lawyers and court costs and everything assosicated with fighting google. The government needs to go to the schools. If this is truly about the kids then this needs to be done at the educational level. The districts have filters in place. It can't be that different then corporations looking at reports of their employees which sites were visited.
Really, alls it takes is teachers paying attention to results . Surveys, the government asks the school districts for reports they are printing them out or viewing them in some way already. They have too, to make sure the filters are working.

Kids and the internet at homes. Isn't that the responsibility of the parents? Isn't it the right of the parent to implement internet rules, filters and anything else regarding computing. Don't parents have the right to descide what their children can and not view?

Asking google for search terms is not about kids protection. This is about knowing what people are searching for , picking away at personal freedoms, rights and privacy.
I want to know why aren't they going after the school districts for the information? If its really about the children thats the place to be. Therefore it is not really about the kids.

my friends

first link whoring (here)...To my friends I will not forget to give credit. Joz who over the years knows when to be a sounding board and when to offer up any comments. Mickey who cracks me up. Brian who I can flirt with, be serious with and everything in between. Matt, who sends me virtual cards every holiday, never misses and sometimes the only one I get.
New lessons, new blog, re-newed thinking, new I.D. , yet keeping as the same person. (I will not post my real name or pic)

March Madness

Yeah baby, some of the very best basketball games! I don't have a team I root for. I really don't care which teams win. I just like intense games with good defense and offense and those upsets that happen every year.

family members like enemies

I do speak my mind. I do tell the truth. I will hurt with the truth and not lies. I will state exactly what my problem is with a person outlining exact situations and examples...truths. My family are jerks to highest levels. Ok, not every member but most. Over the years they tell me they hate me. While I never said it in return, sometimes I think it only as a protection a wall of sorts.
Every time and I mean every time I say or write something they don't like I am told awful things. I am expected to act like nothing was said a week later.
I wonder the character of my family members really I do. Why would a person tell another I wish you dead. Why, why would they say things only to hurt. Demands to get professional help. Things like your grandfather had a brain tumor and you know early dementia is in the family. Don't talk to me until you get help.
Interesting thing with some of my family members is; when another person gets involved that person says just the opposite.
Family is family and the blood is thicker then water saying. Even though I am treated like total crap if they needed my help really needed me I would be there. God only knows why.

When does a person cut off all communications with family? When communications are destructive to emotional and mental being. No, I don't feel bad about it.
The thing is, yes, they are family I just have to protect myself always remembering what kind of person they are and keep a safe distance on all levels. Just recognize the keywords of games they like to play and refuse to be apart of any of it.

damn I have stupad friends and family

Some of my friends and family are stupad. Really stupid, they believe everything that is sent to them in email. I am surprised they haven't fallen for the phishing bank scams. (hopefully spelled it correctly) They believe children are abducted just happened. They will put their names at the end of any petition thinking it is actually making a difference or legal. Even believing the president sent out emails about Christianity and he needs our help. My all time favorite that comes every other year or so is both the email from Microsoft to pay for emails and the one being charged for every email sent. Yes, I do love the health ones stop using such and such product is causes cancer.
I keep forwarding the links from urbanlegands and or links from congressmen sites, but NO, I am wrong they are right. What-ever!
I am so tired of it and have decided to let them just make fools of themselves on their owns. Let someone else tell them they are idiots in a face to face conversation then I politely giving them proof of hoax over and over. Whatever.
Wouldn't I know it, its those same people who do attempt to send me viruses, thank GOD I do have antivirus software that does work.
Some people will never learn.

short lived memories

Why is it people have very short memories when it comes to certain things? Long term memories that effect a person, on personal level?
I do remember the President going on network news, saying there is a scary mother f'ing storm coming leave, listen to your state officials. Ok he didn't curse. He did however deliver a message about the storm. I saw it myself.
Personally I don't expect the President to go on television to tell the residents of my state take a storm seriously. I do think its the job of the governor and any mayors not the President.
If I lived near Mt. St. Helen's, and scientists believe its going to erupt to global proportions, I still wouldn't expect the President to have to go on the tele and say get the f out. I do however expect the President of the United States to know of potential deaths tolls and massive destruction. I do expect the government to be ready to provide assistance but not to have to go on the news to stress a warning.
I am not minimizing the complete failure of response to Katrina. I personally cutting the President some slack. I do not support everything he wants to do in his remaining term.
Personally, it is my opinion he isn't getting enough credit. Even if two people died there still would be criticize.

sex lies and video tapes

Sabotage! Yeah right Scott Stapp. I do wonder about the release of a sex tape and the timing of a solo career. Interesting very interesting, timing is everything. Sabotage it's all sabotage.
Not really, since when a release of a sex tape hurt any career? How big was Tommy's dingy and how much did anyone really see of Paris? People downloaded and talked about it. Never the less they still get work. It doesn't hurt them no it only invokes interest.
At this point who doesn't have a sex tape?
How is it they get "stolen"? Please, like they are just laying around the house with big labels on them.

banning ..laws and personal choices

What is this crap about a state in the union banning abortions? While I understand a ban on it during a certain time period, I don't understand defying laws.
I am deeply concerned over this issue. Will the residents of that state be prosecuted for going to another state to have it done legally? Will the residents be forced to move out of the state because of the above mentioned? Could the state get involved, and prosecute the residents with some clause only moving out of the state so can have the right to abort? How many young girls and women have to die in self preformed or backstreet abortions for American memories to be jogged. This is not just a right to choose but health and safety issue.
I would stand hand to hand across the nation in a stand against this even though its not in my state.

first post of yet another blog project

I couldn't resist myself. Blogging I have to blog I guess. My last url and blog id lived its life now for something new.