I got this thing ..it's very clear

I have realized I have this thing for a certain type of fictional characters. James Bond, Batman it has to be the mask, Dirk Pitt, Jack Bauer, and Jack Reacher.

I don't go seeking these character out, I don't know of the authors in adnvanced , nor are the stories recommended. I just pick up a book and start reading . I came across the other fictional character cause of tv or movies they all seem to have the same things in common though.
I can't get enough.

mothers and daughters...shoulda stayed in bed..

9am the mother in law is over. She said her clock told her it was 9 in the evening. The clock is correct it is 9 but in the morning. This went into a couple of rounds, even tried to tell her look its light out, you would just be getting in for bed if it was 9 at night. Ok I will see you at 4 then? I know it will be every couple of hours. I guess at the one moment she remembered the clock has a small hand, otherwise it doesn't exist.

For a couple of hours it was just me and the kids, had an errand to do. I get home and in frustration say I am tired of hearing myself talk.
the youngest says: Well you should buy yourself a zipper and put it on your mouth.

I say to the spouse did you hear how your child spoke to me? Then it was a big joke. haha

I had a rough night, my mind and body is very very tired like exhaustion, this morning I had so many plans to do around the house, even my eyes are telling me go back to bed.

My sinuses are acting up again....I hate this weather.

love songs ...yes the world still needs love songs

HERO By: Enrique Iglesias
(Let me be your hero)

Would you dance if I asked you to dance
Would you run and never look back
Would you cry if you saw me crying
Would you save my soul tonight
Would you tremble if I touched your lips
Would you laugh oh please tell me this
Now would you die for the one you love
Hold me in your arms tonight

I can be your hero baby
I can kiss away the pain
I will stand by you forever
You can take my breath away

Would you swear that you'll always be mine
Would you lie would you run and hide
Am I in too deep have I lost my mind
Well I don't care you're here tonight

I can be your hero baby
I can kiss away the pain
I will stand by you forever
You can take my breath away

Ohhh I just wanna hold you,
I just wanna hold you, oh yeah
Am I in too deep have I lost my mind
Well I don't care you're here tonight

I can be your hero baby
I can kiss away the pain
(Ohhhhhhhhhhhh yeah)
I will stand by you forever
You can take my breath away

I can be your hero
I can kiss away the pain
And I will stand by you forever
You can take my breath away
You can take my breath away
I can be your hero

I heard this song this morning and it just brought me to tears. Funny thing about love songs. Some songs can just drill right into ones soul, without notice, without a noise BAM!, sometimes just sometimes its something needed at that moment. Stupid loves songs can bring all sorts of things and sometimes just don't have the words for.

Hearing the song just made me cry. It made me think of my spouse. Over the years I have been accusing him of being distant, and just chose to live with it. Nothing worth ending a marriage over. The song the damn song... I realized it has been me who has been distant for awhile. My spouse has been there and continues to do so, it is I who is distant. Maybe for protection?.

My spouse has been trying hard, very hard lately to be very verbal how he feels about me. He has stood by me through my toughest hours that lead to years of bad health. He continues to stand by me, ready to kiss away my tears through my heartache of my father battling cancer. What do I do? I don't make a deal about it all, yet he has been the song, and I haven't acknowledged it enough.

That's me pushing people away in effort to protect myself. There are some people that can't be pushed away. Special friends that are always there even if don't take advantage of it.

I dunno...

just saying..some murders better then others

Railroad killer has been excuted. I guess all the celebrities were busy to protest. Some murders or serial killers are more important to protest for then others. Maybe Texas is just a bunch of tougher people?
Oh I know what it is, find religion on death row, get a bunch of protestors, got it!

mothers and daughters...parents...when the brain changes everything

For handful of years I have been caring for the inlaw/s who have Alzheimers. There is a certain amount of distance involved. Not on a non caring level but never knowing the person as they were and always knowing as Alzheimer symptoms. There isn't the true bonding can get with a person who has a full deck of cards. While I do care about the welfare and the sense of happiness its different.
For awhile I could only imagine what the husband was going through watching his parents not be the people they once were. Over the years I have kept my husband up to date to all conversations and actions of his parent/s. Not in effort to bitch or complain but just so he knew what had occurred when he wasn't in the room.
It's different alright! My father still battling brain cancer. The more time I spend with him, he is not at all the person I remember him being. I find it very emotionally and mentally trying on me. I search for the strength not to take over my day in many ways. I do have the experience, in dealing with a person with mental set backs obviously through the inlaw/s. It is very hard when my own parent who I do have a long invested emotional ties with is completely different.

In so many ways the brain cancer has made him speak and his thought processes just like a person with Alzheimers. It is easier dealing with the mother in law because I have always known her to ask the same question every 2 minutes . It is easier when she gets upset when she doesn't understand something that would be basic sentence to anyone else. It's much harder when my father gets upset anytime he has to repeat himself on any subject. It makes communication for me like I am walking on egg shells. He calls and vents and dumps on me about everything he is going through its an hour conversation. Its not a problem that's what family is for.
The problem is he won't listen. Try to cheer him up and just like the mother in law gets wants nothing of the sort. Yet he really does or wouldn't call. It is reaching out for support when make a phone call to vent.

It is more difficult knowing own parent is in denial about chemotherapy and all the issues with it. While I do understand his frustrations he thought after a couple months (now) he is done with chemo pills but in fact be told no another 12 months of every day. No matter what I tell him about the side effects of chemo pills I am wrong. No matter what I say about anything I am wrong. Oh he has become annoying. He is my father , I don't think he really realizes how much his personality has done a 180 turn.
It is about his fight. It is about keeping him a sense of happiness. I know its the little moments and it will never be about conversations. While I want to hit him over the head with reality brick about his cancer and how chemo works and all the side effects I don't think it would sink in and stick.
It torments me. I do however have the experience and knowledge to just be there for him. I do have an advantage over other relatives and even his spouse. It doesn't make it easier on the heart and mind it does in the soul however.

go see joz and give a little support for her dad

just saying...feel like making love..

The other night I was flipping through the channels and I came across this Baldwin brother, on a show. I stopped for a second, long enough to give me the creeps. He was going on and on about his romance with his wife. Normally I would give all sorts of kudos when I hear someone speak highly of their spouse.
The Baldwin brother mentioned above...was saying things like he found God and their sex life improved. He was saying it was better once they had God in their lives. Then he was saying how special it was making love to his wife was like making love to GOD and it's like a prayer.
I am happy for the couple really I am.

Just a little fanatical that's all.

His official website is in myspace, that's right got to save the youth .

just saying...when I am with my spouse in that way, I don't want to think I am making love to GOD it's a personal thing. I even make sure I don't use the name while in the act. Really I don't want the attention. :)

If sex was that special, society would have strict, tough laws and restrictions.

mothers and daughters...greatest hair style

Ever! "Mom this is the greatest hair style, I love it" No, I don't think so it looks like clown hair.
I want my hair like this all the time.
NO, I am not going to take you anywhere with clown hair.
She sat there in the mirror taking her picture, this was one of her flirting pics. This was before actually brushing out so it was even bigger. Then she was trying to "rat it" to make the back even bigger. She even tried to argue "Mom you had 80's hair" The difference was my style in the 80's was the norm even actresses had the same style. She tried to argue that I was trying to get her to conform to society and its wrong.
It has nothing to do with conformity but having enough style to know you have a stupid hair do. There are reasons cripping styles never took off as a fad.
EWE, I am going to have to look at her today and insist she wash it. I know that head hasn't seen shampoo for 5-6 days.
Oh what's the difference the mother in law in her Alzheimers only gets her hair washed when we get her hair styled. That's the thing about Alzheimers she knows she has done it all her life there for by default she does every day which isn't true. Trickery is in order, as too not hurt or insult feelings.
stubbornness, from the child and the mother in law...about hair, which leaves me just rolling my eyes.

mothers and daughters...new job

Again this morning I went over to the mother in laws. I brought her some coffee filters and a large container of coffee. Her coffee maker was on, she said she made coffee. Upon close examination it wasn't coffee at all, just water. I made her half a pot of coffee. Again she said she forgot how to make coffee.
New daily job title : coffee maker. Just what I always wanted to do go to someone's house to make them coffee. University of Starbucks here I come.

She made comments she has been up for several hours. I asked her what time she goes to bed. Proudly, late 8:30pm-9pm! Well that's not very late and that's why you might wake early. She responded you don't let me see anyone, I never get to talk to anyone and the tears began. Ok, you know that isn't true, I will see you later. Ok at 4pm she responded like no other conversation just happened.

That's Miss Coffee Maker.

alzheimer, mother I forgot ....

This morning I went over to the mother in laws, a whole 10 second walk away. I guess she mentioned last night she was out of coffee. I freshly ground up some beans for her to have a pot of coffee. She was complaining of a migraine and the symptoms that come along with it. "I never have migraines ever." I did nicely say I will take her to the doctor soon because she has them quite often. She offered up her mother had them she must have inherited it. I made the pot of coffee for her and suggested the coffee would help with her headache.
She said "Thank God you are making me coffee I forgot how to make it" I am sure she will not remember ever making the statement. She also commented if she has a cup of coffee she will be up to four in the morning. Well I said "It's only 9:30am I think you will be ok."

Birth week

I am celebrating my birth week for the next 7 days. Happy Birthday to me. I can't say what I want. ..I just want to be surrounded by my friends. Like anyone else, to hear happy birthday and the sentiment happy your alive and in my life.
It's just another year.
I am going to cancel my birthdays from now on.

Postcards

She loves me. I got a postcard from her trip to London.
I just love the postcards!

She sent me one from her trip to Europe.

It's just so damn cool!


misc

Some guys should never.....

Dress as a woman, Im just saying. Yesterday while on an errand I get out of my vehicle and see what at first I thought was the ugliest woman I have ever seen. Upon second look, it was a man an ugly man dressed as a woman.
This person had on a dark wig, light colored shirt even some kind of bra that made it look like nipples, a flowery skirt white stockings and flat shoes. As the person entered the retail store a gust of wind lifted up the skirt slightly to show the white thigh highs. The only make-up this person had on was lip gloss.
My errand was inside the same place of business. I was after a sale a great sale I noticed two days prior. Three minutes passed, one of the checkers yelled out, "Did you see the man dressed as a woman?" to the other checker . The other checker moved her head around to look for the man. I was about 30 feet away doing my thing but in view of the checkers. I nodded to the checker that I did see him. Even the checker made the same comment although verbally he was ugly.
When I went to check out, the checker had her opinions about men who dress as woman, they are up too no good. She mentioned when he left the store he hicked up the skirt even more.
Myself, I can see a good looking man who is gay pulling off dressing as a woman. Just some men should never. If they do, they need to get some advice some serious advice about cross dressing.
1. If butt ugly have to always wear a full face make-up not just lip gloss. 2. Pick clothing that is suited for frame not showing off just how much love handles carrying around. 3. Flats never look good when color doesn't match and in a short flowing flower skirt with stockings. 4. Must learn to walk more like a woman then a cave man. 5. Must learn the attitude. ..
Otherwise the checkers in retails will always yell out did you see?

It's very rare, I wish I had a camera in my phone yesterday was one of those rare moments.
Poor butt ugly guy has no freaking clue. Gave everyone a good laugh.

mothers and daughters...memories ..sisters

The MIL had another bad night last night. She told me a completely new story ...way off course then what is true. This time her mother died at 44 and her older sisters were not relatives at all they lost their parents in a car crash and they took care of her. The mother in law's Alzheimers is getting so.. her stories of growing up, are becoming very interesting. I didn't correct her or ask questions.
It's an interesting twist though, her sisters not really sisters at all and after loosing her mother, these girls losing their parents in a car crash took care of the rest of the kids. Its not true. But ok.
I am sure today she will tell a different story .

Migraines and sex

I am not really sure what this article is trying to say. Personally, I know if I engage in sexual activity when I have a migraine, it will be ten fold pain when finished. Being a migraine sufferer for most of my life, I will say having migraines has nothing to do with my desires.

Studies that involve sexual desires and activity is very complicated. The results can go either direction depending upon the persons and their history of averages in a year. Persons who have higher averages in a year are going to think and desire it more then counter partners who have it much less. Many factors go into lack of desires and activity. It's just too easy to screw the numbers to one end or the other with careful selection of a group.

Alzheimers health

* Vaccine shows promise for treating Alzheimers.

* Brain Matter function imaging , detection of Alzheimers, depression, ADD, Autism, OCD, etc.

Memory Walk 06 is in Novemeber, I had/have a pledge page online...if interested in donating please leave a comment and I will forward the information via email.

mothers and daughters..memories

Yesterday was a difficult day for the mother in law, who has every symptom of Alzheimers. For a while now she can't remember her birthday, and even the year she was born and she thinks she is either two years younger or up to ten years older then she is.
She came over just moments before 11:30 am thinking it was 4:00pm, I did try to tell her it was only 11:30 and asked her if she had lunch yet? She responded OH I think I have already eaten once today. Its 12 then? No its 11:30, ok its 12. no its 11:30, ok I will be back later.
Sure enough five minutes before noon she returns this time with her clock in hand. She says its not the right time and it says 4:00, we tell her it does say the right time of five minutes before noon. She can read all the numbers on the clock she just can't member how to tell time and just ignores the small hand.

She returned around 3:30pm the next couple of hours was very difficult for her. She asked every two minutes for 15 minutes where was her son and grand daughter each time telling her where they were and when I expected them home.
For an hour every two minutes she was sobbing loudly she was broke and had no money. Each time I spoke to her like she was a little girl, soft and calmly and calling her honey. Sometimes begging her to check her bra. Hiding money in her bra is a new thing and when she does check it she will offer up "I hide it there so no one will steal from me". She would count her money three times and put it either in her purse or bra to do it all over again a few minutes later.
She has lost the concept of how much things cost now. She with her 100 plus dollars in hand was crying she needed more money it wasn't enough to buy a pair or two of nylons. I let it go, and told her I would take care of it for her.
I didn't even bring up how the month before she wanted socks and I asked her if she was sure she didn't want nylons. I remember her saying what was she going to do with nylons she wanted socks. In my mind it doesn't matter if she wants socks or nylons just get whatever she wants.

The news mentioned cancer...which set her off, its a horrible thing which everyone dies from. Even though I tried to calm her with people survive cancer more and more all the time. NO her mother died of cancer at 31 . It was too young to lose a mother. I know her mother did not die at 31 I know this for a fact but said nothing to it.

Trying to explain why I have a pile of blankets in the living room, was because a pipe broke in the wall of the closet we use for storage. I tried to explain no it wasn't in her apartment but here. I have to go home to check. I tried to show her the closet with the door off so she wouldn't leave.

The spouse at one point in the early evening had to calm his mother to check her bra for her money. The kids even tell her to check her bra.

the sound only young people can hear?

Oh MY PEANUT BUTTER!!! The ringtone only young people or teenagers can hear. Ok this month is my birthday and I am past 30 I can hear it o-h can I hear it.
One ear but still it is an incredibly annoying noise that hits right inside my inner ear.
I swear to my peanut butter if someone really thinks they are going to mess with me I will be moved to an ass beating.
It is only in one ear but its bad! Its real bad! It was only funny the first few times , it lost the humor factor.
To mess with someone else or test if you can hear the mosquito ringtone .
Update:
This link is a quick free download of the mosquito ringtone. I heard it many times yesterday the spouse wanted to make sure I could really hear it, even when my back was to him and in another room. I was very annoyed to the point I would beat someones ass. It is almost cruel and unusual punishment, oddly enough my sinuses started to act up and still have a problem this morning. Damn! I did it to myself to make sure the link works. I am a dumbass.

mothers and daughters...magnet

Magnet reads I love you Mom, a gift for Mothers Day 06. The 3rd child, youngest, says "Mom I need to save this magnet when you die I am going to give it to my next Mom"
Myself, "child, do you think I am going to die soon?"
Witty 6year old "Never know have to plan for the future"

Myspace horror stories

* AUSTIN, Texas - A 14-year-old girl who says she was sexually assaulted by another user of MySpace.com sued the social networking Web site Monday, claiming it does not take sufficient steps to protect underage members.

No its not the site's fault. NO, if the parents payed more attention to what the minor child was doing on the internet then, it wouldn't make news.
16 year old girl leaves the country to meet "Myspace friend" The FBI detained her and send her ass back to the states.
Keystroke software.

what does 5 pounds of cosmetics get me?

Nothing! 2 pairs of fake eyelashes, at least 4 different shades of foundation, 3 different shades of pressed powder, 4 big brushes, 3 black mascaras even one primer, 1 eyeliner pencil, 6 different shades of red lipstick, 3 teasers, two semi permanent lipstick, 6 other shades of lipstick, 6 different shades of cheek powder, a couple handfuls of eye shadows all sorts of colors, one bottle of Proactive , concealers teeth whiteners...etc. etc.
I have make-up for every lighting situation. Either the mirror and it’s lights are very kind or I am very vein. The camera hates me! It has been adding 10 years to my face lately. Without make-up the camera thinks I am some drug addict.
Honey, is just me or does the camera make me look 10 years older? Spouse "Yes it makes you look older"
Honey, should I get botox to help me look younger? The spouse " I don't think botox will help you"

What a kill joy. I would be nice to just look my age, not 10 years older.
depressing.

Sure I like my man to be honest ...not this honest. Phif men

Oh he-ll NO

I didn't need to see picture of dead terrorist as proof of killing . Couldn't it have waited to the 11 o'clock news? Enough of the dead guy pictures.

candy?

Not so much. I wouldn't call it candy. I will try anything once and twice . This little item not so mcuh fun to try a third time.

Beginner and amateur? I am ok with it just add Miss before.

Mothers and daughters...woulda ,coulda, maybe, please

I guess, I should take it as a compliment. "I don't have a daughter would you be my daughter, so when I get older I have someone to care for me?"
Flattering as it might be, I wonder is this my destiny? To take care of people for the rest of my life? Sure, sure it's comforting to know someone will be there in our golden years. My goodness my dance card is filling up, over the course of next couple of decades. I don't have to say a word, people see with their own eyes, how I have been looking after the elderly in-law/s. My own children tell me every so often, they will do by example I have provided to them.
Have to say the above mentioned question did take me off guard, it wasn't something I expected from a non-relative.

10 day notice

I recieved a 10 day notice of action from the DMV. Threat of action within 10 days. Including the 35 dollar late fee it comes to 100 dollars. Its only a couple months due, get busy with life, forget...
The DMV is threatening action of any of the following; garnish wages, seize bank accounts, seize personal property, there was one more, also the paper work of release of liability. Good Grief! When did this start?

mothers and daughters...telling time

Its 4 o'clock and all is well, not really.
I finally figured out why the MIL was bent on Well its 4 o'clock I am here where is everyone? It hasn't mattered she would say it 7 in the morning all the way up to 4.
She has all sorts of mini wrist watches, it has boggled my mind how on earth a blind person can read it. My vision for close is perfect and I have a hard time making out the time the watches are so small. I have had to reset the watches to the correct time, knowing she changes the time to the time she thinks it might be. I just have done it for her. Even a time or two she has gotten very upset at me and left because it wasn’t the time her watch indicated.

She has a rather large clock in her home which is next door. For quite awhile she comes over to say its 4 o’clock cause my clock said so. I do have to go into her home everyday to help her find something. The clock is telling the correct time.
It finally occurred to me…
I asked her if she could read the clock if I should get her an even bigger one. It was 9:20am, she said of course I can read it. Its 4 o'clock! Ok, I replied where is the small hand? ITS 4 O’CLOCK! Ok, calmly I said, I just want to know if I should get you a bigger clock can you tell me if you see the small hand? She took her finger from the point of the large hand and traced it to the end of the small hand. It's ummm, 9 , replying that’s correct it’s the morning. She went right back to its 4 o'clock pointing to the clock the big hand still right around the 4. I tried to walk away from the clock and get her to follow.

Now, I know why she comes over all times of the day and says its 4 o'clock. Every time the big hand is on the 4, it’s 4 0'clock, loosing the ability to tell time.

No, matter how many times she comes over in a day, she doesn’t remember doing so.
It’s light outside and the big hand is on the 4 it has to be 4 o’clock even if its 7:20am.
Next step to buy the biggest, brightest digital clock for her.

I wonder what number my youngest one will be fixed on when I really start to teach her to tell time.

Oh Brian my ol friend

Brian is my special friend. I can talk to him about anything. Knowing the other is not a threat to S.O.'s and he lives far away.
But there is this one thing...Even my little one 6 years old asked me if Brian is in the group.
Seperated at birth?

Crash and burn

What a night....I was all dressed up sexy like but not showing anything. Full of charm and confidence. My mission was to go to a bar where I know a certain girl works and hit her up for a date for a date. I even told her I was going to charm her in giving me the day before a certain date. It wasn't hard at all, she swooned right away.
Then I went to the store before going home. I had my eyes on a certain guy, I suggested a certain brand of razors. We hit it off, we walked together through the store. He showed off his phone and his videos on his phone. We really hit it off. He even said things like I have friends that would love you. When it came down to getting his number he ran.
Rejected? me no! Pissed off at myself I am lossing my touch.
I have always been able to get numbers. Ok once only once the number was wrong.
I came home all pissey. Told the spouse and he laughed then we got it on.
The night wasn't a total loss.

Who knows if the guy took my picture, never know these days. I can just imagine him telling the story to friends of his. What a pussy, they are probably telling him he was a dumbass for running.